Aisha
First Time Using the Internet:
You described your first experiences and how the Internet
has changed as you grew up and how you use it now, which really makes this a
strong article. I know a lot of people can relate to the whole MySpace thing,
and always being on the computer. It really got me thinking about how much I
was on the computer at that age, and it makes me sick!!!
There are a number of grammatical/punctuation errors in your
article. This is one of my pet peeves so it’s hard for me not to point that
out. Another thing I would change is the layout of your article; it would have
been easier to read if it was separated into several paragraphs. Other than
that, you made a lot of strong points.
Some of your best remarks were when you mentioned, “That’s
when a computer became a habit instead of leisure.” I couldn’t agree more with
that, ever since a young age I would just go on my computer and log onto the
Internet by default, like it was part of my daily routine.
I have to say that I disagree with limiting yourself to one
social network. I don’t know what your major is, but mine is public relations
and knowing and engaging with social networking sites is huge. If our
generation doesn’t know how to use all types of social media, it might be
looked down upon depending on the field of work you want to pursue. I totally
agree with your reasoning though, wanting more human interaction. But at this
day in age, that’s like saying you want world peace.
Web 2.0:
The first part of your article was very accurate in describing Web 2.0 in your own words. I think you have a good grasp on what Web 2.0 is and have good points to make but the way your points are presented could be better. You were naming a lot of the same things about Web 2.0, like how people can interact now- it might have made the article stronger if you elaborated more on this.
The second part that was to be written in a journalistic, objective style also had a lot of good points that could have been elaborated on. Instead of just putting the link to the articles the way you did, it would be better if you referenced to these articles and explained what they said. At some points in this part, the writing was a big subjective, like when you wrote “The more the user can engage on the site, the more successful it is” This could be true, but you provided no facts to relate back to that which makes it seem like an opinion.
You seem to understand Web 2.0 and provided interesting articles, it just needed a little bit more elaboration and detail.
1. You had a good opening paragraph to lead the reader into what you’re going to talk about and why.
2. You provided links to each video you critiqued. This is helpful to the reader to understand what you’re talking about, or in my case to refresh my memory...
3. …BUT I didn’t need to refresh my memory; because you described each video in great detail which helped me to remember the video you’re describing- without re-watching it.
4. You offered constructive criticism; you gave your opinions and then talked about what they could have done differently to improve. I liked how for the cooking video you critiqued; you said you watched the video once with audio, and once without. That shows you really judged the videos thoroughly and thoughtfully.
Something that I believe makes all blogs more appealing are images. Even though you provided the links, a screen capture of a part of the video is a good idea to show the reader what you’re talking about.
Lastly, a closing statement/paragraph/sentence is essential for any piece of writing to wrap up your thoughts.
However, this was one of your best blogs that I’ve read!
Although I agree with everything you said, regarding any positive/negative effects of social media, I thought the format of your post could be better. It would help the reader if there were a clear opening, body, and conclusion paragraph. The body could have been split up into two different paragraphs, one for the positive effects and the other for the negative effects. In the beginning of your piece, I felt like a lot of your sentences didn’t flow. You just listed off a bunch of things and ended the sentence and moved on, you didn’t really explain anything until the end of your post. You have a lot of good information but it’s just hard to read the actual post itself because of how it’s presented. One sentence stated, “Today’s society is pushing a rising brand of digital society, which is being achieved through social sites.” To me, I have to re-read this sentence to understand what you’re trying to say, and it doesn’t help that you have nothing written after that to explain what you meant. These are all easy fixes that will make your posts a lot better than they already are! Video Reviews
You did a lot of things right for this blog post:1. You had a good opening paragraph to lead the reader into what you’re going to talk about and why.
2. You provided links to each video you critiqued. This is helpful to the reader to understand what you’re talking about, or in my case to refresh my memory...
3. …BUT I didn’t need to refresh my memory; because you described each video in great detail which helped me to remember the video you’re describing- without re-watching it.
4. You offered constructive criticism; you gave your opinions and then talked about what they could have done differently to improve. I liked how for the cooking video you critiqued; you said you watched the video once with audio, and once without. That shows you really judged the videos thoroughly and thoughtfully.
Something that I believe makes all blogs more appealing are images. Even though you provided the links, a screen capture of a part of the video is a good idea to show the reader what you’re talking about.
Lastly, a closing statement/paragraph/sentence is essential for any piece of writing to wrap up your thoughts.
However, this was one of your best blogs that I’ve read!
Social Media
First Time Using the Internet:
Your article about your first experiences with the Internet
has a lot of relatable and strong points to it. Before I get into that, it’s
important to note a few minor details:
- The font size was really small and hard to read, especially the first paragraph- which is in black font- I had to highlight it to read it. Obviously, this is an easy fix but if I didn’t have to read this article, I wouldn’t because of the way it stands out.
- (I’m glad I did read the article though.) Another minor detail, I really appreciate the breaking up of paragraphs in your article. As with anything on the Internet, this makes it easy to read.
But onto some notable points within the article, everyone
our age can always relate to MySpace and the Top 8, which is good to include in
any opinionated article, to keep the reader interested.
The part where you said you were amazed by the possibilities
to create yourself on your own page is a really great point. Until someone
actually sits down and thinks about these sort of things, I don’t think anyone
actually realizes that we have created/re-created ourselves on the Internet.
You were on point when you briefly mentioned how a picture of
you doing a keg stand can get you fired from a job, it’s crazy how much the
world has changed because of the Internet!
All in all, this was an easy and enjoyable read but also
very relatable at the same time, which is a good mix when writing a blog.
Web 2.0:
I like how you took the route to explain Web 2.0 and what it’s done, rather than explain what it is. You make a lot of good and accurate points about Web 2.0, but it would have been easier to read if all of your points were broken down into bullet points. You have a great writing style, it’s very intelligent.
In the second part of the article for the journalistic/objective piece on Web 2.0, you provided 3 different links to articles but never referred to them. When I see a sentence written, ex.) Social media has aloud anyone to talk other people anywhere there is a computer and internet.
The term ‘social media’ has a link connected to it, but you never mention what the link is to. If I am reading this article, there is nothing that makes me want to click that and read more.
Aside from that, I like how you related Web 2.0 and social media to companies. The business aspect of social media is an important point to make because a lot of people don’t realize social networks can be used for such things other than to post pictures and update your Facebook status.
Video Reviews:
For this particular post in discussing 3 different videos, I was confused. It would have made more sense if there were:
1. An opening paragraph detailing what you’re talking about, what a self-portrait video is, etc.
2. You should have provided either a link or a visual of the actual video you were discussing. I wasn’t sure which videos you were critiquing and I wasn’t going to go back to the original blog post with all of the videos to find it.
3. Proofread. I noticed a lot of typos and sentence fragments.
4. Since you didn’t provide a link to the video, it would have helped to describe your opinions in more detail. Instead, I felt like I was reading off a list of your dislikes/likes, without any detail or explanation.
5. Instead of ending your post with the last critique, a few sentences at the end summarizing your post would have been good.
Besides that, you seem to have strong opinions on each video, with necessary points to make. Instead of listing the likes/dislikes, you could have listed what the person could have done better or different to make their video stronger.
Social Media
I enjoyed this blog post because I agree with everything you have to say, with the positive and negative effects of social media. I thought it was good that you provided the link to the articles, but I don’t think you should have written “I have to come up with a short summary” – I think you could have taken this out or switched the wording around, because even though it was our homework assignment I don’t think the audience needs to know you “have” to write this.
You made a lot of great points about the positive effects of social media and you pointed out it’s prominence within the past decade. I like how you talked about its effects on intercultural communication, and how social media has allowed people to start looking at stereotypes and cultures in a new light. That’s something I’ve never thought about before, as I’m sure a lot of people wouldn’t.
When you talked about the negative affects, I like how you focused on human psyche. Most people might say social media makes people lazy and have less people-skills, but you talked about depression- which is very true, and sometimes overlooked.
Overall you had a strong piece equip with an opening, body and closing paragraph.
